A Taste of Hel's Bet
BOOMGROWL! The Energia's thrusters roar to life. Acceleration jams the seat hard into my spine.
“Whee doggies!” I whoop. Back into the wild black yonder.
Space shuttle Enterprise scrams on treadmarks of smoke up, up, up into the grey Kazakh sky.
The moon is a different beast when it’s as big as a fist at the end of your arm. A solid mottled grey sphere, not the delicate silver disk that hangs in our sky. Craters have depth; mountains height.
Can you think of an erotic transaction that wouldn't be enhanced by a bouquet of prehensile tongues?
Put a defrocked astronaut, a geek goddess, a space hippy, a rocket mechanic, and a billionaire Trekkie in one room and conversation naturally turns to The Future.
...
Hel says, “You buy that Singularity crap, huh, Merz?”
Karabuk’s eyes stay wide with astonishment. “Heloise Chin a cybernetic pessimist? Can you, of all people, deny that progress is ever swiftening? Does not Moore teach us that computers double in power every eighteen months?”
Hel says derisively, “Moore’s Law is going to haul us all to Singufairyland, huh? You forget hardware’s the easy part.”
Gritch butts in, “What’s this Singularity bidness you all yammering about? Care to break it down for us simple rocket science types.”
Hel doesn’t jump right in and I’ve read plenty of sci-fi so I decide to stick my neck out. “The Singularity… That’s Vernor Vinge, right? Computers jacking up their own brainpower until they have an IQ orgasm.”
“You go first, Darthy. What is Singularity Santa going to leave under your tree?”
Darthy smiles and looks a little sheepish. “I know what you all are going to call me but I have to be honest. I’d ask for food for all the starving kids, no more hunger in the world.”
Gritch razzes, “Damn space hippy.”
Darthy nods happily.
I keep her talking, “So how would St. Singularity work this miracle?”
Dar gives a wide-eyed search-me shrug. “Maybe it will invent a hat-sized nano-brewery that eats dead leaves and sunlight and excretes nourishing butterscotch pudding. Who knows, Mick? It’s the fucking Singularity.”
That cracks me up. Hel joins in and then most of the others.
Hel, “Great slogan, Dar: Work for the Fucking Singularity and ye shall sup eternally on butterscotch hat poop.”
“I am talking to you. You going to lie down and let the Reaper rape you cause it’s customary? You going to stand across the street from Death and shake your fist at it and shout threats?”
Hel1 and Hel2 shake their arms and Heloise shouts, “Fie upon ye, Death!”
“Or will you get right in the Reaper’s face and kick him in the nuts?”
Head says intently into the camera, “Just what is a Singularity and why should you buy your Singularity from Channel Zilch?
“The Singularity is when your cell phone is smarter than Oprah. The Singularity is when your shoes could pass a human Turing test but you couldn’t pass theirs. The Singularity is when your pillow can cure your cancer as easily as you’d pop a zit. The Singularity is when your car morphs into the latest model daily. When you don't own a toilet because you shit rubies and pee vodka - that's the Singularity, my friends.
“Feel like sleeping with 10 Marilyn Monroes at once? Why not?! It’s a free Universe when your personal Singularity grants you an infinity of wishes.
“When your refrigerator fetches your favorite ice cream on its own initiative – that’s right, friends: The Singularity. When your doctor lives inside you, schooling in your bloodstream – hat tip to the big S.
“Here at Channel Zilch we’re in the Singularity business. Look for us at channelzilch.com on your favorites menu.”
“I believe that the Singularity is inevitable, and that we reduce the danger of a Terminator Singularity by preemptively building a loving, ethical AGI in full view of the world. If the Singularity is going to happen I want to have a hand in its birth. I want to be part of the greatest cybernetic quest.
“Let me make a bet with you. I call it Hel’s Bet:
“Work for the Singularity to max your odds of living long. Don’t bother if you’ve got a taste for dirt.
“I want you to volunteer, or if not I want to hijack your mind, the minds of the smartest among you. I want to shanghai your life, the lives of the most steadfast and clever.”
She drops her goggles over her eyes, crosses her legs, ostentatiously airtyping as she speaks, “Some of the best of you have already volunteered in your hearts and minds. You understand that fighting Death is our generation’s Great Game but you don’t know how best to attack. Stay tuned for pointers for noobs.”
"What I want is to recruit hordes of geeks and oodles of money to work on AGI.
“AGI research is horridly underpowered. A tragically small number of researchers are working full-bore to create the Singularity.
“I’m going to stomp the message into every smart head that looks my way: Bring the Singularity one day closer and that may be the day you need.”
Heloise curls her body into a floating fetal ball, still looking at me. “This is our generation’s Great Game – do all you can to hasten the Singularity. Choirnet is my first move in the Great Game – a secure playpen slash quarantine vault for open source Singularities to grow up in.
I am looking for new readers. If you'd like to read Hel's Bet email me at dougsharp(at)channelzilch(dot)com.